by Erin Davis
When speaking to parents and leaders of teenagers, I often
hear a version of this question:
"There is a girl in my church (or a group of girls) who
wear totally inappropriate clothes to church. What do I say to her?"
Here's my response . . .
Drop Your Stone
For those of us who have grown up in the church, the choices
of non-Christians can often be alarming. But we need to stop being surprised
when the lost act lost. It's been my consistent experience that young women
usually don't dress immodestly because they want to ooze sexuality but simply
because they don't understand God's heart on the issue.
Instead of passing down a list of rules for what we wear,
the Bible encourages us to "wear" the qualities of Christ.
Let's take a detour to a story that might help us see how to
approach that young lady in your church like Jesus would.
In John 8, Jesus encountered a woman whose life was riddled
with sexual sin, and she probably looked like it. She had been "caught in
the act" of adultery after all. I doubt she had time to throw on modest
clothing before she was dragged before Jesus. How does Jesus handle the issue?
First, He deals with the hearts of her accusers.
"Let him who is without sin among you be the first to
throw a stone at her" (v.7).
Maybe you don't come in to church wearing a spaghetti-strap
top and way-too-short skirt, but did you bring anger, bitterness, resentment,
or addiction? Immodesty is an easy-to-spot sin, but don't come at that girl
with judgment or frustration. Wait to approach her until you can do so in love.
Start with the Gospel
After the woman's accusers realized they had too much of
their own junk to make a case against someone else, they slowly slinked away.
But that didn't mean Jesus let the adulterous woman off the hook. He did
confront her sin. Titus 2:3–5 gives us permission to speak truth into the lives
of young women. Look how Jesus did it:
Jesus: "Has no one condemned you?"
Woman: "No one, Lord."
Jesus: "Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on
sin no more" (vv. 10–11).
This is the simple, beautiful message of the gospel. There's
no doubt we are all guilty of sin. We can't cover it up or talk our way out of
it. The adulterous woman deserved the punishment the crowd wanted to give her.
She was guilty. I deserve the punishment of death that is suitable for sinners.
I am guilty. But Jesus offers the woman an exchange. Trade in condemnation for
acceptance. Trade in shame for love. Trade in a life of sin to become a new
creation.
Does that girl in the pew in front of you know the gospel?
Has she turned her life over to Him? Just because she is in church doesn't mean
she has. When you approach her, start with the gospel.
Let's Figure This Out
Together
Long ago, I was a high school history teacher. Maybe that's
why my love for young women is so deep. I believe with my whole heart that
middle school and high school girls can change the world.
Back in my teacher days, I had a mantra that colored every
lesson plan I wrote, "Whoever is doing the work is doing the learning."
Sure, you could download your thoughts on modesty to the young women in your
world. They might think it matters. They probably won't. But if you challenge
them to open up the Bible for themselves and to discover God's heart on this
issue (or any issue) without an agenda, you will see the light bulb go off in
their hearts.
This requires an important shift. We need to stop asking,
"How can we get our girls to dress modestly?" and start asking,
"How can we get our girls to be passionate students of God's Word?"
Hebrews 4:12 tells us that God's Word works like a sword, surgically removing
those parts of our hearts that don't line up with the holiness of God. Which
would you prefer? A girl who covers up out of obligation, or a girl who chooses
to change because of God's work in her through His Word?
Let me write your
curriculum!
Here are some key verses and thoughts to get you and the
girls in your church started.
"Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in
respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and
gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess
godliness—with good works" (1 Tim. 2:9–10).
This is a passage about what it should look like to be a
woman of faith, but it is not a dress code.
There's no hem length mentioned
here—no black and white rules about sleeves or no sleeves or the exact right
place for a Christian woman's neckline. In fact, this verse is less about the
clothing we wear and more about God's intention that we clothe ourselves with
qualities that reflect Him.
Notice that right after Paul tells Timothy that women should
dress modestly and avoid appearances designed to draw attention, he makes it
clear what all women of faith should wear—"self-control" and
"good works." Obviously, those aren't things that hang in my closet.
When we talk to girls about the issue of modesty, we need to broaden the
conversation to get them thinking about how the ways they present themselves
reflect (or don't reflect) Christ.
This is just a puzzle piece in the bigger picture of God's
heart for modestly presented in His Word:
Matthew 6:28–30 tells us not to be preoccupied with clothes,
but instead to focus on the things of God.
1 Corinthians 6:19–20 says that our bodies are a temple of
the Holy Spirit. Therefore, we are to honor God with our bodies.
1 Peter 3:3–4 says that true beauty is internal. Nothing we
could ever put on and nothing we could ever take off can give us the kind of
true, lasting beauty that comes from Christ working in us.
1 Peter 5:5–6 urges us to clothe ourselves with humility.
Proverbs 31:25 describes a woman who is clothed in strength
and dignity.
Psalm 132:9 talks about being clothed in righteousness.
Instead of passing down a list of rules for what we wear,
the Bible encourages us to "wear" the qualities of Christ. This is
why you have to start with the gospel when approaching this issue. No one can
wear the qualities of Christ until they have turned their lives over to Him.
Take Her Shopping!
I'm not sure if you've ventured into a Forever 21 or
Abercrombie and Fitch lately, but being a young woman with a commitment to
modesty and purity isn't easy. Marketers aren't pushing girls toward the
"respectable apparel" that Paul mentioned in 1 Timothy but toward the
opposite. If the girls in your church are going to live like Christ has called
them to in this area, they are going to need reinforcements. Care for her
heart, first, through love and Bible study, but then help her give teeth to
what she's learning by venturing with her into the mall with ideas and
encouragement.
Yes, modesty matters! But the hearts of the young women in
your world matter so much more. Can you swap the adulterous woman found in the
story in John 8 with a girl in your world? If so, will you ask the Lord to help
you respond to her like He would by sharing the gospel in love?
No comments:
Post a Comment